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There is always an element of fear when meeting a stranger. He may be newly single and burst into tears the minute you comment on his jockstrap (“Jonathan gave me this jockstrap, now he won’t even speak to me!

I was, but then I swallowed my fear, and swallowed. The feeling I had then — the combination of fear, surprise, terror, and awe — was so powerful that I’m trembling even now as I write this. I like beating guys up.” “I’m not really into that.” “Come on, please?

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I knew about “the apps,” as they are now called, some time before I actually met a guy on one of them. In hindsight, I made all the mistakes, because I didn’t know the rules. That was years ago, but I still remember hearing him say “It gets big” as I knelt in front of him. I’ll go at your pace, but I really want you to take it.

No one had told me to never meet in a remote location or to always tell a friend where you are and have an escape plan. I was driving along a road in the middle of nowhere and walking down a pier in the dark to meet a stranger, who was visible by the light of a cell phone. Everyone has heard the hookup horror story where he wants to do things that aren’t on your agenda. I bet I can shove my whole hand inside you.” I grabbed my stuff and left. Not everyone who’s into gut-punching is a dangerous hookup, but this guy was.